Reset Run

I began the tradition of "reset run" when we lived in Austin from this girl. I loved the idea of doing a last run of the year, no music, no gadgets, just your thoughts. Today I woke-up early with a goal in mind. Running to the front of our neighborhood and back - 9 miles. The run that has eluded me since last June when we moved here, and going up the stairs made my legs weak. My running has suffered this year and the amount of Pilates had trippled. This year has been much less about running and more about strength...and getting it back. Pilates has been my "thing", and I love it. But, I am ready to push myself more as I begin 2011. The 8-mile turkey trot in November showed me I can run and I am ready to start it again. Slowly.

So, I set out with my thoughts. Ready to rehash the last year's triumphs and defeats. Ready to go over what I have learned about myself, and what I need to work on. Eager to let parts of this year go, hopefully to never see again, and also saying goodbye to things that were a little more difficult. And be thankful. Thankful that as I am running and rehashing the year, I have three little sleeping people at home who I still can't believe are ours. And they love me...flaws and all. I don't want them to see a mommy who tries to be perfect and puts on the persona that I have it all put together. I have to apologize to them a little too often sometimes for mistakes I have made throughout the day. And they are always eager to forgive. I have a husband that loves me inspite of my slightly annoying tendencies. Who has the abitlity to look at me and say, "The wheels are turning and you are getting frustrated...tell me why." Yep. 11 years of marriage will do that. He knows me pretty well, which can be a little frustrating. ;) And who has had a pretty stressful year because of me. We are closer now than we have ever been, and for that I am thankful.

This year I have lots I want to do. Lots of "things" I have on my list. But, this year I am taking it easy more. I am not going to follow those crazy lists so much. Work on reducing stress in my life which in turn makes me a much more enjoyable person to be around. Work on my health, and taking care of me. I am going to get a pedicure more with NO guilt. I was told to get a monthly massage by my neurologist to help with this crazy neuropathy that seems to never go away. And I am going to do it. Doctors orders. ;) I am going to work on being a better friend, wife, mother, and child of God.

So I made it....all the way to the entrance and back. And it felt pretty amazing too. That breathless feeling that you have for a few hours after a good run...love that!! I ended this year with a run that when done, allowed me to catch my breath, reflect, and say goodbye to a year that has showed me I am way more capable of handling "stuff" in life than I thought. In handling that "stuff" it has also showed me I can not do it on my own. I am thankful for God's amazing strength that has carried me time and again. I am thankful for an amazing husband who talks me down off the ceiling, family that encouages me, and friends who love me inspite of my craziness. What a year this has been........

What You Know

Found this today. And decided it needs to go somewhere in my "space". The space I cover in a day. Maybe in the laundry room? Kitchen? Found the print at Advice To Sink In Slowly. Obviously this can mean different things to many people. But for me, and my new "Just Say No", campaign it means the routine that may have worked for me 2 years ago isn't working now. Over stretching myself is not good for me or my family, and neither are unhealthy expectations. It's ok if I don't get my run in before 10:00. It's ok if I don't shower until 6:00 at night. All 5 beds do not have to be made everyday to my specifications. The laundry can sit. Going for a walk with Jack is necessary. To do lists stink, and only make me crazy. And every single piece of Christmas decoration does not have to make an appearance every year.

So there you have it. :) I am starting my new goals for 2011 a little early. But why do we have to wait until January 1st to change something that needs to be changed today? What about you? What are your goals for 2011? What unhealthy expectations are you beating yourself up with today? And who is not getting 100% of you while trying to fulfill those expectations?

The Trot

I braved a race for the first time since the Chicago Marathon in 2009. 2010 hasn't exactly been a good running year for me. I've run here and there. Kind of sporatically, and without any goal in mind except going for the "high" of finishing a good run. I don't think I have ever been more thankful for running more than this year. I have always taken for granted the fact I love to run, and can pretty much set my mind to any distance of a race and do it. My body has held up, and allowed me to push it. All that changed this year. I was forced to put the thing I love and makes me "me" on the backburner. Well....this past Thursday I moved it from the back to the front burner and ran an 8 mile race. The longest I've done this year. I was nervous to push myself too much, and risk throwing my body back into "symptom hell", but I also knew I had to do it. Had to see if I could. I have not felt like I had much control over my body physically, and that has been really hard. For the first time in all my running I doubted the physical ability of my legs and body more than the psychological part of it. The psychological part of it is a challenge for any runner.

Grace and Drew came with me to cheer me on. Grace grabbed my hand before we were about to walk to the start and told me she wanted to write something on my hand. She gave me my hand back, and the picture above is what it said. Almost melted me into a puddle at the foot of the car. My sweet Grace. Although she doesn't know all the details of this year, all the doctors, and tests, and tears, and medical mumbo-jumbo we have had to decipher and navigate through, she absolutely knows this year has been a tough one for mommy. So, we headed to the start and when that horn blew.......I ran. I ran and I ran. I ran to try and grab back some of that control that had been gone. It was by far one of the best races I have ever run. I originally wasn't going for time, but then realized after I finally got away from all the walkers, Starbuck drinkers, strollers, and dogs that I was ahead of my normal pace. I felt amazing the whole time. And I can't even begin to tell you how much joy that brings to my soul. I didn't once feel like I couldn't do it. I just put on my tunes, and ran. And I looked down at the hand of mine so many times. God truly has blessed me in so many ways. Through the storm comes the sun, and that day even though it was overcast and cold, the sun was shining on me. And I finished the race in 1:12. 8 miles in 1:12. Not too shabby for this old lady......imagine what the time would have been if you take out the dodging and jumping I had to do the first 2 miles. Feeling at peace today which has been a long time coming.

Dream Race

What's your dream race? Mine would be this one. Ironman World Championships. 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles of biking, then a marathon to finish things up. It is crazy. And I think it would be awesome. It's called a dream race right? In my dreams, in a perfect world...I see myself amongst the sea of green caps. I also would need a team of therapists, nutritionists, and coaches to piece my body together the whole time. I have done two triathlons, and I LOVED every minute of it. It was intense, and amazing. The whole transition thing always proved a struggle for me since I am not one who can whip off a wetsuit and pull on shorts, a shirt, and bike shoes...while dripping wet. Kind of like when you were little and would run to the bathroom with a wet swimsuit on, and then try to pull that swimsuit back on without looking like it's on sideways and backwards. I did each triathlon in Austin with two of my girlfriends, and if that doesn't create a unique bond, I don't know what does. Especially standing together at 6:00 in the morning writing each other's race numbers all over each others limbs in permanent marker....and trying not to laugh while others are SO serious! Or walking back to the car when the race is over like you've just ridin' a horse for 12 miles. ;) And sometimes when you are driving home your friend has to pull over and let you drive because she feels like she is going to faint (Hi Wendi!!)....and then proceeds to lay on the floor of your house while your husband and children hover around her to make sure she is ok.

Mirinda Carfrae

 So this is the winner of the 2010 Ironman. She finished in 8:58.  I watched bits and pieces on Saturday in awe. She ran her marathon in 2:53....that is after the swimming and biking. Wow. There is something about this race that I just love. But the real hero of this race was Kathryn Curl, the 66-year old finisher from Idaho Falls, Idaho got to the line in 16:59:13. Wow. She to me is just as amazing as the winner. She represents you and me, and the average person who sets a goal for herself and has to accomplish it on her own. She doesn't have a team of people massaging her after each long run, a nutritionist handing her meals to keep her body in top form, and coaches instructing her on how to shave minutes off her swim. And...she is 66. Seriously. That is just too cool. I bet she isn't scared of sharks either.

What a difference a year makes....

A year ago today I was here. Getting ready to run one of the best marathon's of my life. The weather was perfect. My training had gone perfect. I was ready to just have fun, take it all in, and do my best. Cody was with me and we were having the best girls weekend in the city. She was such a trooper letting me drag her around the Expo, and getting up early with me to walk to the start. She even gave my bootie a shove over the fence once we realized I missed the entrance and had less than 5 minutes to get to my corral. It was quite commical. :) The day could not have gone more perfect. Drew and the kids drove down to see me, and I saw them on mile 14. I mean totally saw them. It was like slow motion Chariots of Fire getting over to the side to drool and sweat on them. I got kisses from all my monkies (including daddy!) and I was off, with just enough energy to get me to the end. And Cody got to fill-in for me and take kids to bathrooms in nasty gas stations, herd them into shape as they patrolled the streets of Chicago looking for me, and eat yummy McDonalds. All while I was shuffling along, babbling to myself, and seeing mirages of a finish line. And she still wants kids! Amazing. ;)

So today, I got up early and went for a run. To mark the one year anniversary of Chicago, and to be thankful. Thankful I have two legs that are allowing me to run. This year has been C-R-A-Z-Y. A year that I will not have a hard time saying goodbye to in 3 months. God has lead me on a journey this year that has been really, really tough. How easy it is to take for granted the ability to even train for a marathon? And my body has carried me through that 3 times. The body is truly amazing. It's easy to look at running and talk about your PR's, and splits, and training....but, sometimes I am just thankful for a good run and legs that hold me up. I pray that marathon training is in my future still, but for now, I am SO VERY thankful to be able to just run. Baby steps.....and then I'll go for the giant steps again. Sometimes God chooses for us to take the roads in life that are not planned. And to trust Him. And I do. My life is so much bigger than just me, and my trials are so much bigger than me. I don't want to shoulder any of this on my own. I am choosing to run the race God has set before me with endurance (Heb. 12:1).

In a way it's like a marthon. Some miles are easy, some bring you to your knees in tears, and some you look back and wonder how in the world you got through it - and then you pump your fist up towards heaven. I think I have a few more marathons in me yet, and that is what I am holding myself to. This is the run of my life...the good, the bad, and the roads I've yet to travel. And I'm trusting God all the way......

Yuck!

Don't be jealous.....really, try not to. This is where I get to spend most of my day tomorrow. I know, who is the lucky one?!?! I loathe MRI's. They are loud, horrible, and make those of us who are not even a little claustrophobic....VERY claustrophobic. So, prayers would be welcomed tomorrow. Please. They want to do an MRI and compare the results to some I had taken about 7 months ago. So let's all offer up a little prayer for little old me...what do you say? And some for daddy would be good too. He has to wake-up all three kids, get them dressed and fed, and to school on time. He is getting his beauty sleep as I type in preperation for his big morning. :) It's good for him to see how the other half live at 6:30 am....

Go team Ward!! And go Nicole's brain!! 

Sailing Through Life

You know how when you are little, you sometimes sit back and plan out your life? Things like..I want 4 kids (and then you have 1, and change it to 3!), I want this type of house, 1 dog, and to live in this part of the country. Then you get married, and realize where you live doesn't matter as much as who is with you, a house is a house, dog's DO make a family, and if all God gives you is one child you will be more than thankful. Sometimes you can plan your life so well, you forget to actually be present in it. And sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Things are thrown your way and force you to renavigate and get back on coarse. Sometimes that is easy to do, and sometimes your ship is at sea a little while longer than you planned. My ship has been sailing for 7 months on the sea of "unknown medical issues". But, alas, we got some wonderful news yesterday in that my spinal tap results show no signs of MS. Insert deep exhale here.....MS has been a word used frequently by medical people a lot these past 7 months, and I dare you to do a Google search on it for 5 minutes and not think to yourself, "That is SOOO not the way to go"! So, we are doing a little happy dance here in our house. Still don't know exactly what is wrong, which means my ship is still sailing. Have had more tests than I can remember to list, but I can say without a doubt my spinal fluid is doing well and alive and kicking. And I can now take one more step AWAY from an MS diagnosis. Praise the Lord! My ship is hopefully getting closer to land because I have three children and a husband that I know would like their mom back and fully present again. And boy am I ready to be back. Sometimes it takes going through the unknown and unwanted journeys in life to help us really know who we are and what we are made of. Things that can bring us to our knees in prayer because we don't know what else to do. Things that bring you closer to God in ways you never dreamt possible. I have physically kicked myself in the rear many times in my life and survived, but that doesn't even hold a candle to the mental kicking you can sometimes give yourself. 26.2 miles is nothing compared to these past 7 months. So, I am happy today. Happy that I have a husband who is on this journey whether he likes it or not, and he hasn't jumped ship yet. :) A husband who gladly wears the hat that says "Captain". Happy for friends/family that talk me off the cliff when I am standing at the edge with 6 toes off and 4 hanging on for dear life. And happy I know a God who loves me through my flaws and continues to give me the strength to get through each day. Three cheers for healthy spinal fluid!!! And boo for spinal taps...those suckers hurt. And this is coming from a woman who has had three epidurals at nine months pregnant, curled over a pillow, and waiting for the good doctor to stick in the needle while having contractions that make you want to DIE.