Do-Over

Why is it some days as a mom you are cruising along, totally confident in your "mom" shoes. Laces tied (even double knotted), tongue straight up, no scuff marks. Calm and zen in all your explanations to your children, even when they ask for the 12th time why Keisha the singer changed the "i" in her name to a "$" sign. Nevermind they even know who she is....thank you "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" for making her song the one you play over and over during your movie. And then less than 24 hours later you can stop dead in your tracks with fear about something. Feeling inadequate and like a total fraud. Whether it be a mom fraud, an athletic fraud, a spiritual fraud, or a teacher fraud. Sometimes you allow yourself to feel way out of your element, like an imposter.

Today I got upset with Maddie because she wanted a brownie for breakfast even after I told her no multiple times. Seriously. And looks at me with shock as I say "no". Crazy girl. Racing the clock to get everyone out the door has a way of making even the most calm moms lose it. I then came home to get in a quick run before Grace and I started schooling, and every single step for 2 whole miles sent pain up my left knee. I just completed a loooong run less than 2 days ago, and today....can barely run 2 miles. Oh and I am supposed to run a half marathon in 5 weeks. Lovely. Got frustrated with Grace over doing fractions and her lack of attention, Caleb left his spelling book and homework on the dining room table which I had to drive up to school, and the list goes on.

Today I needed a do-over. Although I am getting better at recognizing and stopping the "fraud complexes" as they make themselves abundently clear, they can get the best of me sometimes. I'm always on that road of striving to become a better mom, better wife, better prayer warrior, better friend, better teacher, and better runner. Even if today shows I am a little off the path, tomorrow I will make my way back, and hopefully learn from today so when I need another do-over, it won't be from the same mistakes. And praise God for this beautiful and healthy little family of ours. Because in the end isn't that what it's all about? Not the brownies, running, fractions, or forgotten spelling books...although all that combined can make my blood pressure rise. ;) It's about our role as parents to these three little people and the clarity that comes from searching and striving to be better today than we were yesterday. And thankful for forgiveness as we continue to make some of the same mistakes over and over again. I'm so thankful God accepts us just as we are, knowing he does not expect perfection. Because when I end up back on my knees asking for a do-over time and again, God is more than happy to oblige.